October 20th

It was my mother’s birthday on the 20th

She texted me asking me if I was having a good day

And I told her I was working when I wasn’t

I was in a mood that day and went to work

My same routine everyday

Wide awake, depressed, feeling sorry for myself

I pretend and play the part everyone has for me

With a shit grin on my face I ask everyone how their day is

I remember it was my mother’s birthday

No wonder she texted me

I scrambled and texted her

I jump on prime and buy her a cheap kimono to replace the one she’s had since I was a kid

I buy her bath bombs

And I feel like a good child

I’m not

I go home

Tomorrow is another day.

Feeling myself.

I’m Mr. Blue.

Holy shit what a 2 weeks. I went on vacation and almost got stuck in Los Angeles. And now I have to be a fucking adult again. I’ve realized how much of a damn baby I can be. I couldn’t of done anything with out my partner and friends. If you know, you know.

Writing new materiel for sweat

I’ve been home for a bit and we’ve been working on new stuff. This has been a strange trip back home, I felt like I didn’t need it in all honesty, I’ve been doing really good in Portland and in many ways feel like my progress as a person has been halted returning here and I’m just counting days until I go back, but there is a part of me that understands I wouldn’t appreciate that progress if I didn’t come and visit my friends, I suppose slowing down will help me speed up.

You will never find what you want.